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�� How do I really feel about everything? I feel like no one understands how I feel about life and the things that have happened in the past year.�I know every teen says that...�but�nobody understands about my college situation, it wasnt my fault yet they blame me. They say its no ones fault but my own. Had I not done what I did...I could be in college right now, and wouldnt have all the debt that�I have already incurred at the age of 19 You know what I would love to do...? I would LOVE to scream, scream at everyone who blames me I wish for once they would just listen, instead of assuming thats they know what went on. Dad is always telling me how I screwed up He never listens to what I have to say, and maybe if he did he would understand. However, he stands there and tells me he knows everything and anything that has gone on in my life thus far He didnt go to college and sometimes I would just like to throw it in his face that I at least attempted to go, but I know how disrespectful that would be, and I know better. In the fall of 07�I wanted to attend a college that I really wanted to go to, but unfortunately was turned down.�I was very upset and wanted to go away to college like everyone else, so I found another college that offered something I love...culinary classes That is something dad gives me crap about almost daily He says if I had just stayed here at home and went to the community college than everything would be fine. Well I DIDNapos;T want to stay here�I wanted to go away like most college bound kids I had a dream�I wanted to pursue, but he still thinks I screwed up. Anyways in order to attend the school�I had to have a large loan. Mom and dads credit wasnt good enough to sign for it so, my boyfriendapos;s dad co-signed for my loan Everything was great, and then his dad passed away. It was horrible, unforseen, and definately in no way my fault well the loan providers decided that since I was 18 at the time, with no credit, that they could no longer provide the money for my loan. I had to leave the school, leave my dream behind, and come home to nothing but debt, disappointment, and nothing to look forward to for many months

�� Things are looking better...I have found a good paying job, and I may be able to attend college again after almost a year. I still have a lot of debt but I know God has a bigger plan than worrying about all this petty debt, and these problems that have been worrying me for the past year It still bothers me that people think the college situation was my fault I still want to yell at people who blame me for going for my dreams, eventhough things didnt work out, but I know in the end things will work out for me. I will reach my dream one day, and�I will be able to look back at those who made me feel terrible about myself, and made me feel like nothing but a failure, and I will be able to smile triumphantly
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